Po Angielsku

Jasmine.

Four chinese, Chu, Bu, Fu and Su, decided to emigrate to the USA.
In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck.
Fu and his sister Su decided to stay in China.

An arab at the airport:
- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no… I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn’t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast.

I am going to beach with bitch.

What is the difference between students and teachers?
- Students don't know, teachers don't care.

Gun Shop Owner: Hi, How can I help you?
Client: I am looking for a gun.
Owner: What kind of gun are you looking for?
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case): That one looks about right.
Owner: (very surprised): Why do you need a .44 magnum?
Client: It is for shooting at cans.
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun) Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans.
Client: (pointing again at the .44) Nah, I need this one.
Owner: OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?
Client: Mexi-cans... Puerto Ri-cans... Afri-cans...

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It is the first time they have flown together and it is obvious by the silence that they do not get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters:
- I do not like Chinese.
The First Officer replies:
- Oooooh, no likee Chinese? Why dat?
- You bombed Pearl harbor. That is why I do not like Chinese.
- Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese.
- Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese...it does not matter, they are all alike.
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says:
- No likee Jew.
- Why not? Why do not you like Jews?
- Jews sink Titanic.
- No, no. The Jews did not sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg.
- Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah... all same.

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says You know I do not know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we have been out drinking I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway I shut off the engine and coast into the garage I take my shoes off before I go into the house I sneak up the stairs I get undressed in the bathroom I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!

His buddy looks at him and says Well you are obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway slam the door storm up the steps throw my shoes into the closet jump into bed rub my hands on my wifes ass and say How about a little and she pretends she is asleep.

A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Canada folk eat the whole bread??"
Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We dont. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Canadian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Dya eat jelly with the bread??"
Canadian: "Of Course." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We dont. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."
The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Canadian: And what do you do with the condoms once you ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Canadian: "We dont. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."

How do you call an one eye dinosaur ?
- Doyouthinkhesawus

Citruss

Jasmine, rozwaliłaś mnie tym normalnie.
hahah, padlam. poważnie. hihihi. haha.
świetne!

Jasmine.

Nie ma za co Wesoly

Sama je uwielbiam < 3